The Start Of A Journey

About two months ago we embarked on a new journey. Although, I got ticket for this ride when I was by myself, it became apparent rather quickly that this would be a trip for two. A journey or a trip usually implies something new and exciting. Although we are experiencing something new, it’s not necessarily exciting.

There’s no better place to start other than the beginning. So here it goes:

I just recently had my first physical in at least 13 years! Yeah, yeah I know. This in spite of the fact that there’s a strong history of prostate cancer in my family. Well, the same evening of my physical and blood work, I received a call from the doctor’s office advising me that I would need to call to schedule an appointment “to go over the blood work.” That’s never a good sign.

Well, I called the next day, which happened to be a Saturday, and was told I could walk in. I was told that my PSA was elevated. For those of you that don’t know, the PSA stands for “prostate- specific antigen.” which is a protein produced by both cancerous and non cancerous cells in the prostate. There is normally a small amount of this protein in the blood, so the PSA blood test is a screening tool for possible prostate cancer.

Back to my PSA. It was 16 ng/mL. To put this in perspective, a range of 0-2.5 ng/mL is considered a safe zone. This however, can vary a little by age. Anything over 4-5 ng/mL will most likely be followed by a discussion with a medical provider. So obviously there was cause for concern. Was my father’s history of prostate cancer making its fateful appointment with me? I was told that an appointment would be made for me with a urologist. After an initial visit and a repeat PSA blood test, my value was still high, 14 ng/mL. Now came the moment of truth: “We’ll have to do a biopsy.” Each stop on this ride became a little more serious and a little more surreal.

If you’re a man between the ages of 40-50, please get a physical and a simple PSA blood test.

To be continued…

Loving In The Storm

Why me? This is usually the question we ask ourselves in the midst of a trial, an obstacle or a difficult situation. What if we started asking, why not me? Would anything change? Would it make a difference? Would we be better equipped to face a life storm?

I don’ know. Maybe. But those times of doubt, fear and anxiety will still be present. Yes, they will. However, by focusing on God’s word and His promises in and during a storm, by focusing on what can be learned, by focusing how to stay strong and positive and by focusing on the love of a spouse and/or friends, our mindset will be more positive, which will give us strength to fight battles.

You ask how I know? Because I’m in the eye of a storm right now! And although I’ve had moments of despair, fear, anxiety and doubt, three things have helped and continue to comfort and strengthen me:

1. God’s word on which I meditate daily

2. The love, strength and support of my wife (and my kids)

3. The prayers, messages from friends and talks with friends and people who have been down this road

What follows over the next several weeks is a description of the life storm that we find ourselves in at this moment. It is my battle with prostate cancer. More correctly stated, “our battle.” Because I do not fight alone but with the Lord by my side and as “won” with my beautiful, loving wife. My hope and prayer is that this would serve as, first of all, a testimony to God’s grace. Second, an example of how the love, sacrifice and support of a spouse can give strength and courage. And finally, as a resource to men who have been diagnosed with prostate cancer.

The fact that I love my wife may be evident by anyone who reads my blog. But that our love has grown even deeper in the midst of this storm is a blessing that I never saw coming! I love how she has made me stronger, how she has encouraged me in my low times, and how her fervent prayers have reminded me that “greater is he that is in me than the one who is is in the world.”

Men between 40-50 years old, if you get nothing else from this, please understand how important it is to have yearly physicals and have blood drawn for PSA level. It could save your life. Remember, your family needs you. Therefore, show them your love by taking care of yourself.

Love Built To Last

Recently I had a situation which left me surprised, speechless and stunned. I may share particulars of this issue at a later date. My natural tendency was to stop, breathe and process what was going on.

To do this, I had to withdraw so that I could gather all my thoughts. However, in the midst of organizing my thoughts, I was slipping into reclusiveness. Unbeknownst to me, I was at the same time pushing away the one person who wanted to be with me, cheer for and support me.

But my bride of 23 years would not allow me to withdraw, be quiet or remain lost in my thoughts. Nope! She took me by the hands and told me, “we are in this together, I want to know your thoughts and feelings. You can’t shut me out!” At that moment I realized that she would not compromise or back down. I was reminded of her deep love for me. I was reminded that because we are “won” my thoughts, feelings, fears and tears are also hers.

Yes, I was reminded of the fact that our “woness” does not work in isolation. I was reminded one more time of what our love means:

Lasting

Not Ordinary

Vital

Empathetic

Thanks honey!!

Understanding Differences Between Men and Women

So this past Mother’s Day, I tried to do more stuff around the house so that that my wife, and mother of our kids, could just relax. While my wife enjoyed her cards, flowers and lunch, she also had arranged her empty Clinique products on the bathroom counter for full display. “I don’t ask much, just for some observation,” she said as she swept her right hand as to uncover a prize.

At that moment, I felt like I was three days late for the prom! So I went into “fix it mode,” because that’s what men do, right? I told her that I would get new products but she told me not to bother, that she would do it.

This incident portrays a stark difference between men and women: women want men to notice things they need whereas men want to be told what women want or need.

A woman’s desire would be for her husband to be observant and proactive in both noticing and fulfilling some wants. This lets the woman know that she is being thought of. Unfortunately, most men aren’t wired this way. Most men would be happy to fill a need once they are asked.

Knowing and understanding these differences is of vital importance in a marriage. It prevents misunderstandings, unrealistic expectations and disappointments. It is also important to be able to discuss these differences with grace, patience and without setting ultimatums. This allows for healthy communication and may also help each person to be more sensitive to each other’s needs.

So how did this play out? Well, she never did go to get her Clinique products. So I assured her that I would take care of it and I did! Now she’s all set…and I’ll try to be more intentional on being observant.

Praying For Marriages

My wife and I are passionate about marriages and would love to see all marriage relationships become strong and fruitful.

So how exactly do we allow this passion to be expressed? Well, we believe that one of the most meaningful ways in which our love for marriages is demonstrated is through prayer. I suppose there or two questions that can be asked to the above; one is “why do you pray” and the other is “what do you pray?”

To answer the why, we believe that as the creator and designer of marriages, God is intensely passionate about marriages. This is evidenced by the imagery depicted in scriptures of the church being the bride of Christ, who is the groom.

As far as the what, there are actually three main areas for which we pray when we come to God:

1. That God bless marriages

2. That God would put a stop to the enemy’s attack on marriages

3. That God would strengthen struggling, strained and broken marriages with His hand of restoration.

We hope that our commitment to see marriages become victorious gives you some degree of comfort. We hope and pray that your marriage is healthy and strong.

What is your prayer for marriages?

Thursday Marriage Tip

Gentleness, kindness, and self-control will produce more fruit in a marriage as a post to sarcasm.

Encouraging Love

I wanted to share a story about encouragement in our marriage. But what does this word mean? What does it entail? Well the dictionary definition of encouragement is “the action of giving someone support, confidence or hope.”

Well, as an example of this I’ll share our experience over the past year or so. Recently, my wife changed her work hours to where she has Fridays off. She also has engaged in personal development, which I think is great! In addition to this, I am two years into opening a business.

Now marriage is hard enough without adding some stressors and twists. But when we decided to push forward with these changes we also made a decision to support and encourage each other. How did we do this? By giving each other space when needed, telling each other we believed in one another, picking up the slack for each other, just being attentive and by praying for each other. The more we did this for each other, the stronger became our intimacy, confidence and prayer life.

So as we found, again, a little encouragement went a long way in the long term investment of our marriage.

What are some ways you encourage your spouse?