marriage takes work

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Love When You Don’t Like

There have been times, if I were to be honest, when I have not liked my wife very much. By the same token, I’m sure there have been times when she disliked me a lot!

In our dislikes, however, we have always kept our love intact. You see, our love has more to do with our promises to each other that we made not only to each other, but more importantly, before God. If we are honor God with our marriage, then love must be at the forefront.

I believe that what C. S. Lewis said, can be applied to a marriage, especially during difficult times: “Do not waste your time bothering whether you “love” your neighbor; act as if you did.” There are times when a spouse may not feel particularly loving, because of some argument or disagreement. However, if in these moments we simply behave as if we love one another, in remembrance of our vows, we will actually come to love each other.

This is because our love is much more than feelings, which can fluctuate. True love has more to do with our actions. So, if I let my actions be the guide, my feelings will follow.

This may not always be easy, but doing the hard things will always lead to growth. We have definitely experienced this in our “woness.”

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THE TREATMENT PLAN

Now that we are well versed on the Gleason system, I’ll continue my story. So now came time put all the pieces of the puzzle together and go over a game plan. Well, it was time to break out the National Comprehensive Cancer Guidelines (NCCN). The NCCN is a comprehensive set of guidelines detailing the management decisions and interventions for several types of cancer. These guidelines are based on research.

According to the NCCN flowchart, interventions or treatment protocols are based on age and life expectancy. This means that the younger the patient, the more aggressive the intervention. Conversely, the older the patient, the more conservative the approach. For example, a 75 year old male diagnosed with a Gleason 7 prostate cancer would more than likely undergo radiation rather than surgery.

Well, from what I remembered, my Gleason core was 6. According to the NCCN Guidelines, the recommendation was prostatectomy (removal of the prostate), brachytherapy (radioactive pellets placed into the prostate gland) or external beam radiation. And with the radiation, I would have to decide if I wanted to have androgen deprivation therapy (ADT), which are basically injections to decrease testosterone, which is known to promote prostate cancer growth.

So, again, my Gleason score was repeated as a 6. And now I had to decide on which type of radiation I wanted as treatment and if I wanted to go through with ADT. Well, nothing sounded extremely attractive about pellets being inserted into my prostate or ADT. So I decided against those and surgery and opted for external beam radiation, which I know from others who had it or were having it, that it was 40 treatments.

Of course, as with any discussion of a surgical procedure or medical treatment, came the discussion or “informed consent.” “Everyone is different and not everyone has these effects, but some of the side effects of radiation are urinary incontinence, blood in the urine, painful urination, diarrhea and erectile dysfunction. These are mostly temporary and medications can be given for erectile problems.” (Sorry, I have to keep it real). Just what I wanted to hear! Well, this was starting to sound less attractive but the effects would be mostly temporary, I thought. But I left that appointment determined to do more reading and finding people who had been through this.

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Humility In Marriage

Think of your spouse more highly than yourself. Putting your spouse’s needs above your own builds equity in any marriage.

Looking to please your spouse rather than your own interests builds trust, intimacy and strengthens a marriage.

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Just Hanging Out

It truly amazes me to see and experience what brings joy to my wife. She gets joy out of watching me be content and happy.

For her, it’s not what I can do for her (although I like to do things for her) but to do things with me that bring me joy. She is so selfless!!! Thank you my love!

The way she loves me