Prostate Surgery and Beyond

In my last post, I had mentioned that after considering our options, we decided that surgery was the best choice for us. We researched and read in order to prepare ourselves for the big day. Sure, we both had some deep concerns regarding what the pathology report would read and what the next steps would be. But we prayed and left all those anxieties and worries at the foot of the cross.

On a partly cloudy day on September 20th, as sat as a family in the waiting room, I almost forgot why we were at the hospital. However, I was quickly reminded when my name was called and a nice lady applied a bracelet to my wrist. Things were starting to get more real. But I was ready! I was also hungry… I mean, I’m a breakfast man so… I’m just saying… When my name was called again, it was for real. It was time for me to take the long road to the pre operative area.

I was given a gown to change into. The anesthesiologist then came to the room. He was a rather quiet, stoic man. He asked me if I needed anything, to which I responded, “how about two shots of Jack Daniels?” Unimpressed by my response, he said, “well, we’ve got some medications that…blah blah.” “Could you just humor me,” I thought to myself. But the anesthesiologist went about his business. The nurse who was completing my pre-op papers kind of chucked at the exchange. Much to my surprise, I got a visit from my pastor and one of our elders who said a quick prayer and wished me well.

After an IV was started in my arm, I was wheeled to the cold operating room. The only thing I remember was seeing a large piece of equipment in the center of the room. This was the robotic machine used for the prostatectomy. After that, all I remember was waking up in the recovery room with a catheter. I was then transferred to a hospital room where I stayed two nights.

It was nice to come home to my own bed. I’m not the greatest of patients but the recovery was not too bad. I had a lot of help and mother-in-law even came down, and she was great!

Fast forward to eight months after surgery and I’m doing great! My latest PSA was still undetectable and I’m officially cancer free. I will still have my three month checks for two years. I continue to thank God for the medical team that treated me, for all the prayers and support from friends and of course for my family. I especially thank my one, my only, my forever partner, my love, mon cherie, my ride or die. My wife of 23 years has a been my rock, my unwavering support, my nurse and my best friend! I couldn’t have gotten this far without her.

I can officially say that I’m a survivor!

THE SCANS

So what’s it like to hear you have cancer right before a vacation? Well, let’s just say that it wasn’t in my bucket list.

After our vacation, came the follow up visit. As it had already been related to me, I would need some diagnostic studies to rule out any spread. Oh yeah, I guess this is a good time to say that I’m a doctor and I was very familiar with all these steps. Familiarity, however, didn’t add any level of comfort. It did however, allow me to cut out the middle man and schedule my own tests! In my sense of losing control I needed to feel like I still had some, even if it was in my own head.

As I laid motionless on the hard, cool table for the bone scans, I could see my images on the screen and immediately knew there was no spread. I guess my knowledge was helpful in this case. But I also knew that the next step involved a discussion of treatments. And I knew that I was facing radiation or surgery. However, I thought for a moment how someone in my shoes would feel if they didn’t have the medical knowledge that I did. Would they feel lost, out of control and helpless? I think they would. Because in a way, so did I.

I guess I also have to share at this point the fact that my darling bride of 23 years was with me during these visits. It was very reassuring to know that I had her support. I told her she didn’t have to go with me but in a very assertive way, with a not so nice look she said, “shut up!” That made me happy.

To be continued…

Why I Love My Wife

She’s beautiful. The kind of beauty that radiates from the inside.

She loves life and loves speaking life to others!

She’s analytical. She’s often deep in thought about a lot of things.

She’s an introvert but she loves that even though I’m an extrovert, I respect her need to withdraw at times.

She loves family and would do anything for her family.

She’s a motivator and deeply enjoys helping others reach their personal and fitness goals one on one.

She has the loudest, cutest laugh in any room! But it’s a joy to see her enjoying herself.

She always has a sacrificial kind of love.

She always believes in me and makes me feel strong.

In short, I love her because she means everything to me!

Understanding Differences Between Men and Women

So this past Mother’s Day, I tried to do more stuff around the house so that that my wife, and mother of our kids, could just relax. While my wife enjoyed her cards, flowers and lunch, she also had arranged her empty Clinique products on the bathroom counter for full display. “I don’t ask much, just for some observation,” she said as she swept her right hand as to uncover a prize.

At that moment, I felt like I was three days late for the prom! So I went into “fix it mode,” because that’s what men do, right? I told her that I would get new products but she told me not to bother, that she would do it.

This incident portrays a stark difference between men and women: women want men to notice things they need whereas men want to be told what women want or need.

A woman’s desire would be for her husband to be observant and proactive in both noticing and fulfilling some wants. This lets the woman know that she is being thought of. Unfortunately, most men aren’t wired this way. Most men would be happy to fill a need once they are asked.

Knowing and understanding these differences is of vital importance in a marriage. It prevents misunderstandings, unrealistic expectations and disappointments. It is also important to be able to discuss these differences with grace, patience and without setting ultimatums. This allows for healthy communication and may also help each person to be more sensitive to each other’s needs.

So how did this play out? Well, she never did go to get her Clinique products. So I assured her that I would take care of it and I did! Now she’s all set…and I’ll try to be more intentional on being observant.

Thursday Marriage Tip

Gentleness, kindness, and self-control will produce more fruit in a marriage as a post to sarcasm.

Encouraging Love

I wanted to share a story about encouragement in our marriage. But what does this word mean? What does it entail? Well the dictionary definition of encouragement is “the action of giving someone support, confidence or hope.”

Well, as an example of this I’ll share our experience over the past year or so. Recently, my wife changed her work hours to where she has Fridays off. She also has engaged in personal development, which I think is great! In addition to this, I am two years into opening a business.

Now marriage is hard enough without adding some stressors and twists. But when we decided to push forward with these changes we also made a decision to support and encourage each other. How did we do this? By giving each other space when needed, telling each other we believed in one another, picking up the slack for each other, just being attentive and by praying for each other. The more we did this for each other, the stronger became our intimacy, confidence and prayer life.

So as we found, again, a little encouragement went a long way in the long term investment of our marriage.

What are some ways you encourage your spouse?

Marriage Tip Thursday

Although the wife may be the weaker vessel in a marriage, it does not mean she is inferior. Husbands are to treat their wives with love, respect and honor.

Thursday Marriage Tip

Actively looking for ways in which to serve your spouse will strengthen your relationship because it will make your eyes habitually more sensitive for opportunities to serve.

Strengthening Our Marriages

There is virtually nothing in life that a person can do without practice to become proficient. Whether it’s something as simple as reading to something as complex as playing a musical instrument, excellence requires practice.

A marriage is no different in that it also requires a level of dedication to continually practice key areas that are the backbone of the love in marriage: trust, intimacy, respect, grace and perseverance.

As a couple grows in trust, they’ll also build intimacy. And the more respect a a couple has for one another the more likely it is that they’ll extend grace to one another. Furthermore, growth in these areas, will not only strengthen a marriage, but it will also help couples be able to overcome difficult times.

What do you do to strengthen your marriage?

But First, Say I Love You

Occasionally in the hustle and bustle of everyday life couples can forget the seemingly small, insignificant stuff. However, there are three words that should, without a doubt be said multiple times a day to each other.

Saying “I love you” daily is good for yourself, your spouse and for your “woness.” So whatever you do, start and finish the day with these three important words.