Agape love is a type of love that is both sacrificial and connected to an action that expects absolutely nothing in return.
There have been times, if I were to be honest, when I have not liked my wife very much. By the same token, I’m sure there have been times when she disliked me a lot!
In our dislikes, however, we have always kept our love intact. You see, our love has more to do with our promises to each other that we made not only to each other, but more importantly, before God. If we are honor God with our marriage, then love must be at the forefront.
I believe that what C. S. Lewis said, can be applied to a marriage, especially during difficult times: “Do not waste your time bothering whether you “love” your neighbor; act as if you did.” There are times when a spouse may not feel particularly loving, because of some argument or disagreement. However, if in these moments we simply behave as if we love one another, in remembrance of our vows, we will actually come to love each other.
This is because our love is much more than feelings, which can fluctuate. True love has more to do with our actions. So, if I let my actions be the guide, my feelings will follow.
This may not always be easy, but doing the hard things will always lead to growth. We have definitely experienced this in our “woness.”
Speaking love and life will always encourage and strengthen a marriage.
True love involves commitment, forgiveness, understanding and grace.
Think of your spouse more highly than yourself. Putting your spouse’s needs above your own builds equity in any marriage.
Taking time to celebrate us and our “woness” is something we live to do. So yesterday, we had an opportunity for an outing and we took advantage of it.
We really didn’t make any plans and neither of us were feeling something extravagant, so we just went on an impromptu lunch date.
Great company, fun conversation and time in each other’s gaze was all we needed to invest in our relationship bank.
Valentine’s Day is a special day for couples, married or not. However, if Valentine’s Day is the only day where a married couple is celebrating their “woness,” something is wrong.
The cards, chocolates, heart pillows and teddy bears are fine. But all this should be an expression of what has been going on throughout the year. In other words, the Valentines kindness should be an overflow of the sacrificial, selfless love that characterizes a healthy marriage.
So today, let your gifts be not a high point of your union but a reminder of the love that daily makes your “woness” special.
Find ways to serve one another. Don’t wait for your spouse to ask you for something that obviously needs to be done.
As I was sitting contemplating about some things that were stressing me out, I was somewhat oblivious to my surroundings. I was so deep entrenched in my anxious thoughts, that I didn’t realize that my wife, had called my name three times.
She then asked me what was wrong but I told her nothing. Now, I don’t know if it’s because we’ve been married 24 years, but she knew I was lying! So she asked me again, and again I just kind of shrugged off the question.
She then turned back to her book and became quiet.
This quietness lasted for most of the night and then she simply got up and went to the bedroom. I thought she’d be back in a few minutes but after about twenty minutes I was still alone in the living room. This sometimes happens when we’ve had a disagreement. But I knew this was different.
So I make my way to the bedroom thinking about whether I should just leave it alone or ask her what was up? Clearing my throat, I asked her why didn’t she tell me she was going to bed as she usually does. Her response was that she felt that I did not want to be bothered.
I then felt compelled to share some of my anxieties and concerns. She let me know that in all that time that I was concerned and worried about things which were temporal, I deprived her of the thing that she looks forward the most. And in a clueless manner, I asked her what was that? She proceeded to tell me “You!” Wow! She was right.
Although as men, we are supposed to be protectors and providers, as husbands we must never forget that our first priority is to love our spouse. And in loving, all the other areas of “woness” will never be sacrificed.
In my last post, I had mentioned that after considering our options, we decided that surgery was the best choice for us. We researched and read in order to prepare ourselves for the big day. Sure, we both had some deep concerns regarding what the pathology report would read and what the next steps would be. But we prayed and left all those anxieties and worries at the foot of the cross.
On a partly cloudy day on September 20th, as sat as a family in the waiting room, I almost forgot why we were at the hospital. However, I was quickly reminded when my name was called and a nice lady applied a bracelet to my wrist. Things were starting to get more real. But I was ready! I was also hungry… I mean, I’m a breakfast man so… I’m just saying… When my name was called again, it was for real. It was time for me to take the long road to the pre operative area.
I was given a gown to change into. The anesthesiologist then came to the room. He was a rather quiet, stoic man. He asked me if I needed anything, to which I responded, “how about two shots of Jack Daniels?” Unimpressed by my response, he said, “well, we’ve got some medications that…blah blah.” “Could you just humor me,” I thought to myself. But the anesthesiologist went about his business. The nurse who was completing my pre-op papers kind of chucked at the exchange. Much to my surprise, I got a visit from my pastor and one of our elders who said a quick prayer and wished me well.
After an IV was started in my arm, I was wheeled to the cold operating room. The only thing I remember was seeing a large piece of equipment in the center of the room. This was the robotic machine used for the prostatectomy. After that, all I remember was waking up in the recovery room with a catheter. I was then transferred to a hospital room where I stayed two nights.
It was nice to come home to my own bed. I’m not the greatest of patients but the recovery was not too bad. I had a lot of help and mother-in-law even came down, and she was great!
Fast forward to eight months after surgery and I’m doing great! My latest PSA was still undetectable and I’m officially cancer free. I will still have my three month checks for two years. I continue to thank God for the medical team that treated me, for all the prayers and support from friends and of course for my family. I especially thank my one, my only, my forever partner, my love, mon cherie, my ride or die. My wife of 23 years has a been my rock, my unwavering support, my nurse and my best friend! I couldn’t have gotten this far without her.
I can officially say that I’m a survivor!