Top 10 List For Newlyweds 

As my wife and I prepared to attend a double wedding, I was given the task to sign the cards.  As I thought about our wedding day and our first two years of marriage, I wanted to give the couples something that they could use and to which they could refer as a reference.  So I came up with a Top 10 list of important items for newlyweds to remember that could strengthen their marriage.


So, here it is: Top 10 Things For Newlyweds To Remember:

10 You can’t say “I love you” enough

9. Kiss your spouse often, especially in the morning and at night.

8 No matter how busy you get, never stop having dates

7 “Don’t let the sun go down in your anger”

6 Husbands want to be respected

5. Wives want to be loved 

4 Mutual sacrifice is the key to marriage. Care more about your “Woness” than about your individual selves

3. Remember 1 Corinthians 13: Love is patient, Love is kind, Love never fails

2. Wives, should look to their husband to lead and husbands should lead by following Christ

1. Always Keep Jesus at the center of your marriage. Ecclesiastes 4:12

Do you have anything to add to this list?

Agape Love on Valentines

According to the National Retail Federation, U.S. consumers will spend just over $18 billion on valentines. This includes jewelry, flowers, cards and clothes. 

Although there is nothing wrong with celebrating Valentine’s Day with a special gift for the special person in your life, there’s no doubt that as a society we can get caught up in the consumeristic aspect of the day. But if Valentine’s Day is truly about love, shouldn’t we focus on what kind of love should reflect this day? Or better put- shouldn’t this day reflect an overflow of the love that has been shared over the past year?  

This day should be a reflection of a love that is selfless, giving, serving and patient. The ancient Greeks called this love- Agape love. This is the love that God has for His children. It’s an unconditional, no holds barred love. It’s the kind of love that is should grow when two become “won.” 

 This love is sacrificial, forgiving, patient and kind. It’s the kind of love that I strive to show my wife on a daily basis, though I may fail. It’s the kind of love we read about in 1 Corinthians 13. It’s the kind of love that Jesus has for us.
So today, let’s celebrate the love that we were shown on the cross. Let’s celebrate Agape love.  

5 Ways To Keep Your Marriage Strong With Kids- #4 Re-connects

As I have stated in previous posts, and as any family has experienced, busy schedules can sometimes lead to a cycle of work, taking kids to activities, dinner, putting them to bed and starting all over again the next day. It is very easy to disconnect in this merry-go round. So why not find 20-30 minutes to reconnect while your at your children activities?
This is was extremely important in my marriage since we all of our extended family lived out of state.

I will admit, our kids are 12 years apart so we didn’t have two kids that needed to go in two different directions. However, both of our kids has friends who we had to occasionally pick up and drop off. And during the soccer years of our oldest, we had a 2 year old to deal with as well. Furthermore, since our daughter was 10, she had a demanding competition cheer schedule. My point is that it can be challenging no matter how many kids you have.
We decided to make “re-connects” a priority. We would go to these activities together and escape for a quick cup of coffee or chat in the car. Yes, you will miss out on socializing with other adults but your “woness” is the priority. This took effort in our part in terms of work schedules but it was well worth it.

Please feel free to share how you Re-Connected with your spouse.

Marriage Valentines 

As Valentines Day has come and gone, I wanted to share my thoughts on Valentines as an acrostic for our marriage life as “won.”

  
VIBRANT 

Letting our love life be lively, dynamic and active. Not letting our marriage life to be passive.    

ALIVE 

Keeping our marriage alive by paying attention to each other 

LOVE 

We don’t just say we love each other, we show each other love daily 

ENCOURAGE 

 Encouraging each other when one may be feeling down. 

NURTURE

Investing in each other emotionally and spiritually 

TIME

In all the business of life we make time for our marriage. Never putting  our marriage relationship on the back burner

INTERESTING  

Keeping marriage interesting by not allowing routine to define our marriage 

NOVEL

Trying new and novel ways to express our love for one another.

ENJOY 

Enjoying  each day because tomorrow is not guaranteed 

SERVE

Letting our marriage life be marked by serving each other 

5 things a wife wants to hear from her husband 

 So if your reading this, you probably read my wonderfully brilliant, kind and loving husband’s post https://twobecomingwon.com/2016/01/31/5-things-husbands-want-to-hear-from-their-wives/.   So we, the we being us “two becoming won”, decided it was only fitting that I write the same article from a wife’s view. 
 But first let me talk to the guys out there… If you’re reading this and thinking , “But I’m just not a ‘words’ kind of guy”.. that’s ok. And as a matter of fact ladies, I’m going to tell you the same. This may be a list of things a wife wants to hear, but I’m giving you permission to abide by the old saying “Actions speak louder than words” So as we go through this list, think of ways you can, well, show the words!

1) I love you

Seems pretty common and simple right? But for sure, as years, bills, kids and careers pile on, the most simple and basic words that spurred your life together into motion is either forgotten, assumed or presumed. So for this one, I’m going to break my own rule right off the back! My husband expresses his love for me through numerous acts of service. But nothing beats the butterflies I feel, when he stops the world and stirs such a deep sense of security as when holds me in his arms and says three little words, I LOVE YOU.

  
2) What I love about you

In one of our favorite movies, Jerry McGuire, there is a scene where Dorothy asks Jerry “Why do you love me?” To me, this is the same as asking what is it about me that you hold in high regard. It’s important to a wife that her husband not only tell her he loves her, but to tell her what it is that he loves about her. Her smile, how hard she works, be it in the house, with the kids or in her career… Hearing her husband acknowledge and actively recognize her positive attributes, contributions and qualities lets her know that he pays attention to her. 

3) I Appreciate You

Everyone wants to know that they are appreciated and us wives are no different. I get it, life can get busy and we all go into auto drive in our daily grind. For Rob and I, we do a lovely little automated dance in the morning: I cook our breakfast and make lunches while he makes coffee and unloads the dishwasher. We weave and move around each other like the most precisely choreographed super hero fight scene. It would be very easy for him to eat his breakfast and lunch without a second thought and I myself don’t do any of the above looking for a pat on the head. It’s what makes our lives work. But it does warm my heart, to hear him tell me that he appreciates me and the extra time and effort I take for him and our family.

4) I Hear You

Now, this may come as a surprise to some of you reading this, but every once and a while us wives may have an opinion on a few things, a complaint, maybe even a dilemma or two that we’ll bring to our husbands. Now here is the thing, we aren’t necessarily looking for a solution as much as we are just looking for an understanding ear. We don’t want to know how to fix it, or what to do about it, all a wife wants to know is that her husband is not only listening but sympathizes with her and understand her viewpoint and how she feels, even if he may disagree. This is a sign of respect, validation, and recognition.

5) You are Beautiful

Yeah, sounds rather cliché and maybe even shallow. But before marriage, during the dating stage, the wife’s now husband told her a time or two that she was, in fact beautiful. Wives as women have many admirable, dare I say beautiful attributes beyond outward beauty; we are smart, strong, kind, passionate and we love to have each one of those recognized by our husband (and husbands are more than welcomed to mention some of those in the “What do you love about me”? category). But every wife wants to know that her husband still finds her beautiful in every sense of the word.

So there it is. These five things, all in all, are expressions of love that are not only good for a wife to hear but good for the husband to remember and therefore, good for the marriage. If you think I left anything out or there is something you wives would like to hear form you husbands I’d love to hear your thoughts so please leave a comment.

5 Things Husbands Want To Hear from Their Wives

Communication is vital to the lifeline of any relationship. This couldn’t be more true of the marriage relationship. Oftentimes problems occur not because of what was said but because of what isn’t said.  This can be just as important for husbands as it is for wives.

I know this may come as a surprise, but men often times have a hard exterior which houses a fragile ego. I know that sometimes my ego has been bruised by something my wife did not say or something I wish she had said.  
Therefore, I wanted to list the top five things that most husbands want to hear their wives say:

1. Husbands want to know that their wives want them. This is different from needing. Sure, as men we want to be needed, but NOT all the time. (Truth is, we want to be needy…but that’s another story). A man wants to hear that his wife wants his opinion or his help.

2. Husbands also like to hear that they are important. Ladies, you may not even have to say it. But if a woman asks her husband for his opinion on even a trivial matter, he will feel important.

3. Another important thing that husbands like to hear from their wives is that she will follow him. As men, we want to lead and knowing that your wife is following you makes us feel like a good leader.

4. Husbands also need to know that their wives believe in them. This makes men feel like they can accomplish anything.  

5. And one of the most important things that husbands need to hear from their wives is that they’ve done a good job. Whether it’s a home project or fixing a car, before any criticism is given, please, please, for the love: tell your husband he’s done good. This will build him up and allow him to deal with any constructive opinions.  

Try these 5 things and I guarantee that it will pay dividends in your marriage relationship.

3 Reasons We Like Working Out

I have always been pretty athletic and interested in sports in general. I played several sports but was most fond of futbol (or soccer). 

In my latter years I have picked a previous interest: weightlifting. I have also developed an interest, through my dear wife, in CrossFit. It’s probably because as a coach, she gets to tell me what to do and how to do it.  A scenario my wife would like mirrored at home, LOL!  

But on a serious tip, there are three main reasons I enjoy working out now: One, is that working out and doing Crossfit parallels our marriage in terms of the encouragement we give one another. Just when I think I can’t go further, Lisa pushes me a little. (She probably wishes this also applied to projects around the house). The same is true when she is struggling to come up from her last squat rep. When we come across the obstacles in life, I have her back and she has mine.

  

The other reason I enjoy working out more than ever is the teamwork that it takes. I know this may sound strange but stay with me. In order for our bodies to meet the demands of exercising, we need proper nutrition. Well, I can make great scrambled eggs and a mean peanut butter and jelly sandwich, but that will leave us in an energy deficit! Lisa on the other hand, is a GREAT cook and does our meal preps. Whereas I, do the cleaning. In other words, we each serve important function in our team or “won.” 

The third and final reason I like working out with my wife: It’s just fun hanging out with her!!