faithful marriage

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Love When You Don’t Like

There have been times, if I were to be honest, when I have not liked my wife very much. By the same token, I’m sure there have been times when she disliked me a lot!

In our dislikes, however, we have always kept our love intact. You see, our love has more to do with our promises to each other that we made not only to each other, but more importantly, before God. If we are honor God with our marriage, then love must be at the forefront.

I believe that what C. S. Lewis said, can be applied to a marriage, especially during difficult times: “Do not waste your time bothering whether you “love” your neighbor; act as if you did.” There are times when a spouse may not feel particularly loving, because of some argument or disagreement. However, if in these moments we simply behave as if we love one another, in remembrance of our vows, we will actually come to love each other.

This is because our love is much more than feelings, which can fluctuate. True love has more to do with our actions. So, if I let my actions be the guide, my feelings will follow.

This may not always be easy, but doing the hard things will always lead to growth. We have definitely experienced this in our “woness.”

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Everyday Is Valentines

Happy Valentines Day

Valentine’s Day is a special day for couples, married or not. However, if Valentine’s Day is the only day where a married couple is celebrating their “woness,” something is wrong.

The cards, chocolates, heart pillows and teddy bears are fine. But all this should be an expression of what has been going on throughout the year. In other words, the Valentines kindness should be an overflow of the sacrificial, selfless love that characterizes a healthy marriage.

Let everyday be a loving day

So today, let your gifts be not a high point of your union but a reminder of the love that daily makes your “woness” special.

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Thursday Marriage Tip

Find ways to serve one another. Don’t wait for your spouse to ask you for something that obviously needs to be done.

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You’re All I Want

As I was sitting contemplating about some things that were stressing me out, I was somewhat oblivious to my surroundings. I was so deep entrenched in my anxious thoughts, that I didn’t realize that my wife, had called my name three times.

She then asked me what was wrong but I told her nothing. Now, I don’t know if it’s because we’ve been married 24 years, but she knew I was lying! So she asked me again, and again I just kind of shrugged off the question.
She then turned back to her book and became quiet.

This quietness lasted for most of the night and then she simply got up and went to the bedroom. I thought she’d be back in a few minutes but after about twenty minutes I was still alone in the living room. This sometimes happens when we’ve had a disagreement. But I knew this was different.

So I make my way to the bedroom thinking about whether I should just leave it alone or ask her what was up? Clearing my throat, I asked her why didn’t she tell me she was going to bed as she usually does. Her response was that she felt that I did not want to be bothered.

I then felt compelled to share some of my anxieties and concerns. She let me know that in all that time that I was concerned and worried about things which were temporal, I deprived her of the thing that she looks forward the most. And in a clueless manner, I asked her what was that? She proceeded to tell me “You!” Wow! She was right.

Although as men, we are supposed to be protectors and providers, as husbands we must never forget that our first priority is to love our spouse. And in loving, all the other areas of “woness” will never be sacrificed.

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A Celebration Of Life

As I recently celebrated another birthday, I’ve contemplated a lot on what the day actually meant to me. This is because I was celebrating more than just the day of my birth. I was also celebrating the one year anniversary of my prostatectomy procedure and the fact that my dear wife made me go get a physical, which led to my #prostatecancer diagnosis. I celebrated not only my birth but also my wife’s commitment to #insicknessandhealth. Her commitment to “woness.”

This month is also #prostatecancerawarenessmonth, which reminds me that I am now part of a brotherhood of men who fight and have fought this highly treatable yet terrible disease.

Yes, this birthday was like no other. It was definitely a celebration of life in more ways than one. Probably my most important birthday!

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CONFUSION ABOUNDED

So we thought we were ready to embark on the radiation pathway. Yep, I thought a one time procedure of pellet implantation was very desirable over 40 external beam treatments. This would be much less disruptive to my schedule.

Furthermore, I had a conversation with at least two people who either had external beam or pellets with external beam. But before I committed to any type of treatment, I was still confused about what I had heard at one of my urologist appointments regarding my Gleason 7 score. This was confusing to me. But after doing some research, it seems that even if most of the core specimens are 3+3 and only one is staged at 3+4=7, the person is staged according to the higher number.

So the Gleason system is based on the assumption that the higher number is representative of what’s actually occurring. Here I am thinking that sine most of the core biopsies were a Gleason 6, that’s what was representative of the cancer. Oops, I guess NOT!

Oh well. I had to stay on track. I had to keep moving forward. So next stop on this train was an appointment with the oncologist at the cancer center. I was ready. My wife and I had discussed this and made up our minds on the treatment plan and was ready to go and get this radiation thing scheduled and started. But I could not have been less prepared for what came next.

Continued….

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THE RECONNAISSANCE MISSION

After having heard about my treatment options, I was determined to speak to someone who had been through radiation. However, my quest was more specific than just anyone. I was on a mission to hear from someone around my own age who had been through radiation treatment.

So through a friend, I was able to speak to a gentleman who had a history a higher Gleason score and went through both brachytherapy and external beam treatment. And he was doing well with minor side effects. So after this conversation I was encouraged and ready to go forward. So I thought.

After this conversation, my wife and I met a couple who were nutritional vendors promoting a vegan lifestyle. The gentleman had a significant history of prostate cancer, however, his had metastasized. He underwent both surgery, testosterone suppression therapy and radiation. He shared research information about how a diet free of animal products and low in saturated fats, was known to protect against prostate cancer and actually reverse the process.

The name that stuck out the most during our conversation was Dr. Dean Ornish. He authored a study in the Journal of Urology, which detailed the effects of an “intensive lifestyle change” on men with early, low grade prostate cancer. The study showed that the PSA revealed a 4% decrease on the experimental group versus a 6% increase in the control group. Furthermore, there was an decrease in the growth of cancer cells of up to 8 times as much in the control group.

This sounded groundbreaking! But was it truly real science? This may not be mainstream, I thought, but certainly worth some attention. Furthermore, Dr. Ornish may not be a cardiologist or nutritionist, but even the American Cancer Society recommends a reduction of saturated fats and reducing red meats.

Although this gentleman had some side effects, his claim was that they were improved with a vegan diet. Although I was not totally ready to bet the farm on these claims, it was clear that there were at least anecdotal evidence. So we did research on a vegan diet and decided to adopt this practice. I had nothing to lose. And my wife, in a demonstration of love and support, decided to adopt this lifestyle with me. (Mostly because she’d be doing the cooking anyway. LOL)

Our hope and prayer was that God would use this change in diet in conjunction with the upcoming radiation treatments to give me good outcomes. But wasn’t totally sure if this was my treatment option for sure. I still had a consult with the Cancer Center.