So in my last post I alluded to the fact that marriage takes work. Everything that is worth having is worth working for. I want to expand on this and share my view of the kind of work that is involved in a marriage. I have tried to condense the work involved in marriage into the three C’s.
Whether it’s work, organizations, or relationships they all require communication to function. In marriages this is vital in order for a couple to survive. In too many marriages however, this communication is one sided. The stereotypical picture is a woman talking to her husband while he stares aimlessly and dumbfounded at the TV. But is it really true that women talk more than men? Actually, it turns out to be an urban legend according to a study by researchers at the University of Arizona. But I digress.
Without a two way communication it is impossible for the institution of marriage to function as it should. Where there is poor communication there is misunderstanding. Where there is misunderstanding there is bitterness. Unresolved bitterness over time leads to divorces. If we can communicate at our jobs and within groups, shouldn’t we work just as hard in our marriages?
This may be occasionally difficult at times but it is worth it. Remember if momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy! : )
The Rolling Stones had a hit song called “you can’t always get what you want.” This couldn’t be any truer in the marriage relationship. But should it be about getting what we want? If two are truly becoming “won”, then the focus will be her or him instead of me or I. When a couple can compromise, communication improves. When communication improves there is understanding. The focus then shifts from getting what I want to getting what’s best for “won”. Don’t we look for athletes to think of the team rather than themselves? Why should the thinking be any different for a marriage relationship which is so much more important? This does take work but again, it is worth it!
Finally, we arrived at the last C of marriage work. In a marriage relationship there can be a lot of distracters such as work issues, children activities, family issues and emotional issues (No disrespect ladies) that can alter or change communication and compromise. What happens then? Well, we must be flexible. Also men – we must be sensitive to times when our wives may require a little “extra grace.” One thing to remember during these times is the following: Chocolate saves lives.
I hope you enjoyed reading about the 3 C’s of marriage work. Sure, this may be an over simplification. But the 3 C’s are at the starting point for everything else. Next we can tackle roles in a marriage.
I wanted to start a blog about marriage mostly because I love my wife and I love being married to her. I can’t imagine another life. We love our life together. We complete each other and we feel that us two have become “won.”
That is not to say that we have a perfect marriage. I think that concept is impossible when you consider that none of us are perfect and two imperfect people cannot a perfect marriage make. In addition to our imperfections, the most striking aspect about our life is that we both come from broken marriages. So how is it possible that two people with such a past have been able to form such a happy union?
Well, there is no short answer to this question. But first and foremost is that God is at the center of our marriage. In addition, just like an athlete who may have incredible physical gifts and abilities can’t become great at a sport without practice, a happy and successful marriage isn’t possible without work.
Why start this blog? Because having come from a broken marriage, I know the pain that is involved when ones parents’ divorce. Because I wish my parents would have had some tools in their “marriage bag” that may have been able to repair what was broken. Because I wish my father would have understood what it means to be a leader in the house. But most of all, because I would like everyone to be able to say that they have “won” in their married lives.
As a single man I was responsible only to my self. I answered only to myself. And I depended only on myself.
Hanging out with buddies Friday or Saturday, cool! Saturday morning golf, quick bite to eat, and movies? Yes to all of the above. Yes, some adjusting of other responsibilities may be needed but easy to do when you only have yourself to worry about.
But does this kind of self centeredness work in a marriage?
Should living for what I want, how I want it and when I want it be the main focus in a marriage relationship ?
The real answer to these questions is absolutely no, if you’re a believer in Jesus Christ. But I have met some self professing Christians who put themselves ahead and above their spouses.
Just as Christ focused not on Himself but on being obedient to God, (Philippians 2:5-8) so should us husbands give up our self centerdness and focus more on our wives. Why? Because when we say those magic words, “I do,” we give up the right to be a separate entity. We are no longer
two heart beats. We are no longer two bodies but one. Genesis 2:24
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”
This my friends is the foundation of any marriage: Two becoming one. This the only way that you and your spouse can look at each other and say, “We won!”