marriage partnership

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THE RECONNAISSANCE MISSION

After having heard about my treatment options, I was determined to speak to someone who had been through radiation. However, my quest was more specific than just anyone. I was on a mission to hear from someone around my own age who had been through radiation treatment.

So through a friend, I was able to speak to a gentleman who had a history a higher Gleason score and went through both brachytherapy and external beam treatment. And he was doing well with minor side effects. So after this conversation I was encouraged and ready to go forward. So I thought.

After this conversation, my wife and I met a couple who were nutritional vendors promoting a vegan lifestyle. The gentleman had a significant history of prostate cancer, however, his had metastasized. He underwent both surgery, testosterone suppression therapy and radiation. He shared research information about how a diet free of animal products and low in saturated fats, was known to protect against prostate cancer and actually reverse the process.

The name that stuck out the most during our conversation was Dr. Dean Ornish. He authored a study in the Journal of Urology, which detailed the effects of an “intensive lifestyle change” on men with early, low grade prostate cancer. The study showed that the PSA revealed a 4% decrease on the experimental group versus a 6% increase in the control group. Furthermore, there was an decrease in the growth of cancer cells of up to 8 times as much in the control group.

This sounded groundbreaking! But was it truly real science? This may not be mainstream, I thought, but certainly worth some attention. Furthermore, Dr. Ornish may not be a cardiologist or nutritionist, but even the American Cancer Society recommends a reduction of saturated fats and reducing red meats.

Although this gentleman had some side effects, his claim was that they were improved with a vegan diet. Although I was not totally ready to bet the farm on these claims, it was clear that there were at least anecdotal evidence. So we did research on a vegan diet and decided to adopt this practice. I had nothing to lose. And my wife, in a demonstration of love and support, decided to adopt this lifestyle with me. (Mostly because she’d be doing the cooking anyway. LOL)

Our hope and prayer was that God would use this change in diet in conjunction with the upcoming radiation treatments to give me good outcomes. But wasn’t totally sure if this was my treatment option for sure. I still had a consult with the Cancer Center.

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THE SCANS

So what’s it like to hear you have cancer right before a vacation? Well, let’s just say that it wasn’t in my bucket list.

After our vacation, came the follow up visit. As it had already been related to me, I would need some diagnostic studies to rule out any spread. Oh yeah, I guess this is a good time to say that I’m a doctor and I was very familiar with all these steps. Familiarity, however, didn’t add any level of comfort. It did however, allow me to cut out the middle man and schedule my own tests! In my sense of losing control I needed to feel like I still had some, even if it was in my own head.

As I laid motionless on the hard, cool table for the bone scans, I could see my images on the screen and immediately knew there was no spread. I guess my knowledge was helpful in this case. But I also knew that the next step involved a discussion of treatments. And I knew that I was facing radiation or surgery. However, I thought for a moment how someone in my shoes would feel if they didn’t have the medical knowledge that I did. Would they feel lost, out of control and helpless? I think they would. Because in a way, so did I.

I guess I also have to share at this point the fact that my darling bride of 23 years was with me during these visits. It was very reassuring to know that I had her support. I told her she didn’t have to go with me but in a very assertive way, with a not so nice look she said, “shut up!” That made me happy.

To be continued…

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Why I Love My Wife

She’s beautiful. The kind of beauty that radiates from the inside.

She loves life and loves speaking life to others!

She’s analytical. She’s often deep in thought about a lot of things.

She’s an introvert but she loves that even though I’m an extrovert, I respect her need to withdraw at times.

She loves family and would do anything for her family.

She’s a motivator and deeply enjoys helping others reach their personal and fitness goals one on one.

She has the loudest, cutest laugh in any room! But it’s a joy to see her enjoying herself.

She always has a sacrificial kind of love.

She always believes in me and makes me feel strong.

In short, I love her because she means everything to me!

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Love Built To Last

Recently I had a situation which left me surprised, speechless and stunned. I may share particulars of this issue at a later date. My natural tendency was to stop, breathe and process what was going on.

To do this, I had to withdraw so that I could gather all my thoughts. However, in the midst of organizing my thoughts, I was slipping into reclusiveness. Unbeknownst to me, I was at the same time pushing away the one person who wanted to be with me, cheer for and support me.

But my bride of 23 years would not allow me to withdraw, be quiet or remain lost in my thoughts. Nope! She took me by the hands and told me, “we are in this together, I want to know your thoughts and feelings. You can’t shut me out!” At that moment I realized that she would not compromise or back down. I was reminded of her deep love for me. I was reminded that because we are “won” my thoughts, feelings, fears and tears are also hers.

Yes, I was reminded of the fact that our “woness” does not work in isolation. I was reminded one more time of what our love means:

Lasting

Not Ordinary

Vital

Empathetic

Thanks honey!!

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Thursday Marriage Tip

Love is not a feeling, it’s a commitment. If we say that we have “fallen out of love” what it really means is that we no longer wish have a commitment to the person to whom we made a promise and to God

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Understanding Differences Between Men and Women

So this past Mother’s Day, I tried to do more stuff around the house so that that my wife, and mother of our kids, could just relax. While my wife enjoyed her cards, flowers and lunch, she also had arranged her empty Clinique products on the bathroom counter for full display. “I don’t ask much, just for some observation,” she said as she swept her right hand as to uncover a prize.

At that moment, I felt like I was three days late for the prom! So I went into “fix it mode,” because that’s what men do, right? I told her that I would get new products but she told me not to bother, that she would do it.

This incident portrays a stark difference between men and women: women want men to notice things they need whereas men want to be told what women want or need.

A woman’s desire would be for her husband to be observant and proactive in both noticing and fulfilling some wants. This lets the woman know that she is being thought of. Unfortunately, most men aren’t wired this way. Most men would be happy to fill a need once they are asked.

Knowing and understanding these differences is of vital importance in a marriage. It prevents misunderstandings, unrealistic expectations and disappointments. It is also important to be able to discuss these differences with grace, patience and without setting ultimatums. This allows for healthy communication and may also help each person to be more sensitive to each other’s needs.

So how did this play out? Well, she never did go to get her Clinique products. So I assured her that I would take care of it and I did! Now she’s all set…and I’ll try to be more intentional on being observant.

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Praying For Marriages

My wife and I are passionate about marriages and would love to see all marriage relationships become strong and fruitful.

So how exactly do we allow this passion to be expressed? Well, we believe that one of the most meaningful ways in which our love for marriages is demonstrated is through prayer. I suppose there or two questions that can be asked to the above; one is “why do you pray” and the other is “what do you pray?”

To answer the why, we believe that as the creator and designer of marriages, God is intensely passionate about marriages. This is evidenced by the imagery depicted in scriptures of the church being the bride of Christ, who is the groom.

As far as the what, there are actually three main areas for which we pray when we come to God:

1. That God bless marriages

2. That God would put a stop to the enemy’s attack on marriages

3. That God would strengthen struggling, strained and broken marriages with His hand of restoration.

We hope that our commitment to see marriages become victorious gives you some degree of comfort. We hope and pray that your marriage is healthy and strong.

What is your prayer for marriages?

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Thursday Marriage Tip

Gentleness, kindness, and self-control will produce more fruit in a marriage as a post to sarcasm.

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Marriage Tip Thursday

Being the first to apologize after an argument shows more strength as opposed to expecting your spouse to do it first.

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Marriage Tip Thursday

Although the wife may be the weaker vessel in a marriage, it does not mean she is inferior. Husbands are to treat their wives with love, respect and honor.