THE SCANS

So what’s it like to hear you have cancer right before a vacation? Well, let’s just say that it wasn’t in my bucket list.

After our vacation, came the follow up visit. As it had already been related to me, I would need some diagnostic studies to rule out any spread. Oh yeah, I guess this is a good time to say that I’m a doctor and I was very familiar with all these steps. Familiarity, however, didn’t add any level of comfort. It did however, allow me to cut out the middle man and schedule my own tests! In my sense of losing control I needed to feel like I still had some, even if it was in my own head.

As I laid motionless on the hard, cool table for the bone scans, I could see my images on the screen and immediately knew there was no spread. I guess my knowledge was helpful in this case. But I also knew that the next step involved a discussion of treatments. And I knew that I was facing radiation or surgery. However, I thought for a moment how someone in my shoes would feel if they didn’t have the medical knowledge that I did. Would they feel lost, out of control and helpless? I think they would. Because in a way, so did I.

I guess I also have to share at this point the fact that my darling bride of 23 years was with me during these visits. It was very reassuring to know that I had her support. I told her she didn’t have to go with me but in a very assertive way, with a not so nice look she said, “shut up!” That made me happy.

To be continued…

Loving In The Storm

Why me? This is usually the question we ask ourselves in the midst of a trial, an obstacle or a difficult situation. What if we started asking, why not me? Would anything change? Would it make a difference? Would we be better equipped to face a life storm?

I don’ know. Maybe. But those times of doubt, fear and anxiety will still be present. Yes, they will. However, by focusing on God’s word and His promises in and during a storm, by focusing on what can be learned, by focusing how to stay strong and positive and by focusing on the love of a spouse and/or friends, our mindset will be more positive, which will give us strength to fight battles.

You ask how I know? Because I’m in the eye of a storm right now! And although I’ve had moments of despair, fear, anxiety and doubt, three things have helped and continue to comfort and strengthen me:

1. God’s word on which I meditate daily

2. The love, strength and support of my wife (and my kids)

3. The prayers, messages from friends and talks with friends and people who have been down this road

What follows over the next several weeks is a description of the life storm that we find ourselves in at this moment. It is my battle with prostate cancer. More correctly stated, “our battle.” Because I do not fight alone but with the Lord by my side and as “won” with my beautiful, loving wife. My hope and prayer is that this would serve as, first of all, a testimony to God’s grace. Second, an example of how the love, sacrifice and support of a spouse can give strength and courage. And finally, as a resource to men who have been diagnosed with prostate cancer.

The fact that I love my wife may be evident by anyone who reads my blog. But that our love has grown even deeper in the midst of this storm is a blessing that I never saw coming! I love how she has made me stronger, how she has encouraged me in my low times, and how her fervent prayers have reminded me that “greater is he that is in me than the one who is is in the world.”

Men between 40-50 years old, if you get nothing else from this, please understand how important it is to have yearly physicals and have blood drawn for PSA level. It could save your life. Remember, your family needs you. Therefore, show them your love by taking care of yourself.

Why I Love My Wife

She’s beautiful. The kind of beauty that radiates from the inside.

She loves life and loves speaking life to others!

She’s analytical. She’s often deep in thought about a lot of things.

She’s an introvert but she loves that even though I’m an extrovert, I respect her need to withdraw at times.

She loves family and would do anything for her family.

She’s a motivator and deeply enjoys helping others reach their personal and fitness goals one on one.

She has the loudest, cutest laugh in any room! But it’s a joy to see her enjoying herself.

She always has a sacrificial kind of love.

She always believes in me and makes me feel strong.

In short, I love her because she means everything to me!

Thursday Marriage Tip

Gentleness, kindness, and self-control will produce more fruit in a marriage as a post to sarcasm.

Encouraging Love

I wanted to share a story about encouragement in our marriage. But what does this word mean? What does it entail? Well the dictionary definition of encouragement is “the action of giving someone support, confidence or hope.”

Well, as an example of this I’ll share our experience over the past year or so. Recently, my wife changed her work hours to where she has Fridays off. She also has engaged in personal development, which I think is great! In addition to this, I am two years into opening a business.

Now marriage is hard enough without adding some stressors and twists. But when we decided to push forward with these changes we also made a decision to support and encourage each other. How did we do this? By giving each other space when needed, telling each other we believed in one another, picking up the slack for each other, just being attentive and by praying for each other. The more we did this for each other, the stronger became our intimacy, confidence and prayer life.

So as we found, again, a little encouragement went a long way in the long term investment of our marriage.

What are some ways you encourage your spouse?

Marriage Tip Thursday

Being the first to apologize after an argument shows more strength as opposed to expecting your spouse to do it first.

Thursday Marriage Tip

Actively looking for ways in which to serve your spouse will strengthen your relationship because it will make your eyes habitually more sensitive for opportunities to serve.

Strengthening Our Marriages

There is virtually nothing in life that a person can do without practice to become proficient. Whether it’s something as simple as reading to something as complex as playing a musical instrument, excellence requires practice.

A marriage is no different in that it also requires a level of dedication to continually practice key areas that are the backbone of the love in marriage: trust, intimacy, respect, grace and perseverance.

As a couple grows in trust, they’ll also build intimacy. And the more respect a a couple has for one another the more likely it is that they’ll extend grace to one another. Furthermore, growth in these areas, will not only strengthen a marriage, but it will also help couples be able to overcome difficult times.

What do you do to strengthen your marriage?

But First, Say I Love You

Occasionally in the hustle and bustle of everyday life couples can forget the seemingly small, insignificant stuff. However, there are three words that should, without a doubt be said multiple times a day to each other.

Saying “I love you” daily is good for yourself, your spouse and for your “woness.” So whatever you do, start and finish the day with these three important words.

Positivity Bears Positivity

Positivity Bears Positivity

I’m sure we can all point out at least five things about our spouses that are annoying. For instance, I sometimes cringe when I hear the sounds of cabinets being slammed in the kitchen. And my my dear wife really dislikes (to be gentle) the way I clean the kitchen and leave at least two items in the sink.

  • But instead of focusing on that laundry list, we try to focus instead on the things we love about each other. Sometimes this list may seem shorter, especially if it’s not thought about often. However, the more we think about them, the more positive qualities we can come up with!
  • So let me encourage married couples to spend more time looking for the good. Your relationship, intimacy and love will all grow.