Occasionally in the hustle and bustle of everyday life couples can forget the seemingly small, insignificant stuff. However, there are three words that should, without a doubt be said multiple times a day to each other.
Saying “I love you” daily is good for yourself, your spouse and for your “woness.” So whatever you do, start and finish the day with these three important words.
I’m sure we can all point out at least five things about our spouses that are annoying. For instance, I sometimes cringe when I hear the sounds of cabinets being slammed in the kitchen. And my my dear wife really dislikes (to be gentle) the way I clean the kitchen and leave at least two items in the sink.
So let me encourage married couples to spend more time looking for the good. Your relationship, intimacy and love will all grow.
Husbands, tell your wife daily that you love her. This will make her feel special and wanted. Wives, tell your husband you appreciate him. This will make him feel appreciated and accomplished.
Last weekend , as my wife and I attended a wedding, I started reflecting on the topic of marriage vows in relation to God’s covenant with His children.
In the Bible, God made covenants with Noah, Abraham and Moses, to name a few. In each of these covenants, God made different promises which also required a certain response or conduct from His people. In other words, the covenants were an agreement in which God promised that He would deliver on specific blessings and in return, asked for faith, obedience and a commitment.
God makes the same kind of contracts with us today as couples look at each other’s eyes and embark on the path to “woness.” He put up the blood of His Son Jesus as collateral for our sins and in return only asks that we live a life of obedience. And as it relates to marriage specifically, God expects much from both husband and wife in the marriage relationship. In fact, in 1 Peter 3:7, after Peter laid out how a husband should care for and treat his wife, he added “so that you’re prayers are not hindered.”
Therefore my friends, it’s important to understand that the marriage vows are not only a promise that a couple makes to each other, but also a contract between that couple and God. And the exciting fact about this is that God longs to pour His blessings on a faithful marriage!
It’s important to have fun in your marriage. Therefore, I wanted to share our new pillow covers.
I’m still trying to figure out how this fits with #twobecomingwon.
🤔😂
We’ve been told before that “it seems like you guys have the perfect marriage.”
Nothing could be further from the truth!
Here are four examples of why our marriage is not without flaws.
Perfection
Neither of us are perfect therefore, our marriage is not perfect. Both of us brought our own baggage when we became “won.” And we each had our own way of dealing with our baggage. We had to each become programmed to live as “won” instead of two. Although this takes time, perfection is never really attained, since we ourselves don’t become perfect.
Grace
Although we all like to be shown grace, when it comes to others we tend to push for justice. This can also be the case in our marriages. There have been times where grace has eluded us (I won’t say who) which has lead to “spirited” conversations. I wish I could say that we soon came to our senses, but that hasn’t always been the case. We have however, been able to recover from those situations rather unscathed.
Patience
Yes, patience is a virtue, but occasionally it’s in short supply. I will admit, I’m probably the biggest offender of this. Whether it’s waking up on the “wrong side” of the bed or a bad day at work, some things can make us more irritable. This is when one us has to remind the other, without sarcasm, to exercise patience.
Pride
Pride can rear its ugly head in many situations. Most of all, when we want the other person to be the first to say “I’m sorry.” I have been guilty of that in the past, as I’ve documented in a previous post: https://twobecomingwon.com/2015/12/27/my-longest-night/. Pride has no place in a relationship and overtime it only destroys. The commitment has to be made to think of the other person first before ourselves.
So although our marriage is definitely far from perfect, my wife and I have made a commitment to fight for our “woness.” Perfection is not an attainable goal for two imperfect people, but commitment and determination are traits necessary for every marriage!
My wife and I recently celebrated our 22nd anniversary. I remembered, she forgot. We were in Cancun at the time, so she gets a pass, lol!
In celebrating our 22 years of “woness,” I thought of some things that have characterized our union. I thought I’d share these:
1. We have always made “us” a priority.
No matter what was going on with our kids, work or family, we never sacrificed our togetherness.
2. We have never taken ourselves too seriously. Life is short and being able to laugh at ourselves has been good for our soul.
3. Praying together has allowed us to face obstacles that would’ve otherwise been very difficult.
4. Serving and encouraging each other has always been at the forefront of our marriage.
5. We modeled a loving relationship to our kids. And although as parents we had successes and failures, we never pointed fingers at each other.
6. Finally, I found out that I love my wife more today than I ever have.
I hope this can serve to both encourage future marriages and strengthen current marriages.
What are some things that have characterized your relationships?
The marriage relationship can be beautiful, fun and fulfilling. But it can also be difficult and challenging at times. Because two imperfect people come together to form a union, the interactions between them aren’t always stellar. At times communication break downs occur which lead to disagreements.
Because all couples experience disagreements and arguments, some more “spirited” than others, it is important to have an understanding on which lines should never be crossed. For instance, name calling and cheap shots should never be a way to gain a perceived advantage during an argument.
It is very important to remember to always to set these boundaries and to always choose love. In this manner your commitment to “won” will never fail.
What are ways you prevent escalation and maintain “woness”?
My wife and I recently celebrated our wedding anniversary. This makes 21 years. I could add the term “Lucky 21,” but that would be misleading and incorrect. This wouldn’t be a term that applies to our marriage and shouldn’t apply to any marriage.
No, to reach 21 years of marriage takes much more than chance or luck. In fact, depending on luck would guarantee only failure. It takes work. The work involved in a marriage relationship, where two become “won,” requires grace, understanding and sacrifice.
Grace allows us to accept one another’s faults without condemnation. Understanding allows us to respect one another in spite of our imperfections. Through understanding, we also encourage each other to not settle in our mistakes. And by sacrificing we count the other more important than ourselves.
And all of these are bound by love. In love we work at grace, understanding and sacrifice. None of these exist without the framework of love.
I look forward to the next 21 years of loving my bride and becoming a better man.
“Mom, he just doesn’t understand the way I feel. He constantly talks down to me.” “Hey dad, we just can’t get along. She expects too much. Should I call it quits?”
If these are the questions either husband or wife are asking, and if these are the people from whom they are seeking answers- their parents- then there may be a good chance that their marriage could be in danger. The fifth sign that a marriage could be in trouble is if either person involves parents in their marital problems.
Marital problems will happen. It’s not a matter of if, but when. They are not fun and can a temporary break in fellowship. But these problems belong to the married individuals, not the respective parents. Scripture is clear that a husband is to “leave and cleave,” Genesis 2:24. And this means that the individuals are cleaving to become “won.” Involving others in arguments will most certainly breakdown communication. This has the potential of making the husband or wife feel that trust was betrayed and getting that back is an uphill process.
If there’s a significant problem that can’t be worked out, a neutral third party such as a pastor or counselor is always the best way to go. What’s needed in these situations is someone who will speak truth an life into the situation, not someone who will pick sides.
So there you have it, 5 signs that a marriage may be in trouble. Do you have any other signs to add?
Two Becoming Won 