marriage is for keeps

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THE SCANS

So what’s it like to hear you have cancer right before a vacation? Well, let’s just say that it wasn’t in my bucket list.

After our vacation, came the follow up visit. As it had already been related to me, I would need some diagnostic studies to rule out any spread. Oh yeah, I guess this is a good time to say that I’m a doctor and I was very familiar with all these steps. Familiarity, however, didn’t add any level of comfort. It did however, allow me to cut out the middle man and schedule my own tests! In my sense of losing control I needed to feel like I still had some, even if it was in my own head.

As I laid motionless on the hard, cool table for the bone scans, I could see my images on the screen and immediately knew there was no spread. I guess my knowledge was helpful in this case. But I also knew that the next step involved a discussion of treatments. And I knew that I was facing radiation or surgery. However, I thought for a moment how someone in my shoes would feel if they didn’t have the medical knowledge that I did. Would they feel lost, out of control and helpless? I think they would. Because in a way, so did I.

I guess I also have to share at this point the fact that my darling bride of 23 years was with me during these visits. It was very reassuring to know that I had her support. I told her she didn’t have to go with me but in a very assertive way, with a not so nice look she said, “shut up!” That made me happy.

To be continued…

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THE BIOPSY

“Next stop, Biopsy,” said the conductor as the train pushed forward. Then the Tran came to an abrupt stop. As I de board, I enter into the urologist’s office for my biopsy appointment. This would be what’s called a core needle biopsy. For this procedure, the doctor uses a probe with a somewhat of a spring-loaded, thin, hollow needle to obtain specimens from the prostate gland. (I won’t go into all details).

When the trigger is pulled, the needle retrieves a small cylinder of prostate tissue called a core. This is repeated about 12 times to get several samples from different areas of the prostate. Yes, there’s local anesthesia involved. Besides some discomfort, it wasn’t horrible. I wouldn’t sign up for it again though!

Well, we were all set to go on vacation in three days and here I am, waiting on biopsy results! I didn’t really know if I wanted my results before or after our vacation. But in a way, I wanted to know what I was up against so that I could have some time away from the hustle and bustle to gather myself and get mentally prepared for what was coming up. After moments of contemplation, I decided to bite the bullet and call for my results two days before our trip. Well, when I called, I was transferred to the doctor’s assistant. “Hi Mr Araujo,” said the nice assistant. Her voice was friendly and chipper. This could only be good news, right? Could this be a sign for optimism? I didn’t find out because I was told the doctor would have to call me in the morning. Ugh!!!!

So I get a call in the morning. Not only was I told the results, but I was also e-mailed the report. In a matter of seconds I felt like had just entered the twilight zone! I don’t remember anything else that was said but I could probably reel off what the pathology report read. What I remember most vividly, was the word “adenocarcinoma.” Adenocarcinoma is the type of cancer that develops in gland cells and is the most common type of cancer found in the prostate gland.

50% of the biopsy specimens were positive for adenocarcinoma. There were numbers

associated with each biopsy specimen that appeared in the following manner: 3+3=6 which were most of the core specimens. One however, had the numbers 3+4=7. The others were labeled with what became my favorite word, “benign.” I was also told, as I would’ve expected, that I would need to have a bone scan and MRI to check for possible spread. Yes, I had now entered into the cancer world. The only question was, how deep?

Wow! This was a lot to take in right before a vacation! But I just needed to know so that I could at least use a few days off to process this information.

To be continued…

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Why I Love My Wife

She’s beautiful. The kind of beauty that radiates from the inside.

She loves life and loves speaking life to others!

She’s analytical. She’s often deep in thought about a lot of things.

She’s an introvert but she loves that even though I’m an extrovert, I respect her need to withdraw at times.

She loves family and would do anything for her family.

She’s a motivator and deeply enjoys helping others reach their personal and fitness goals one on one.

She has the loudest, cutest laugh in any room! But it’s a joy to see her enjoying herself.

She always has a sacrificial kind of love.

She always believes in me and makes me feel strong.

In short, I love her because she means everything to me!

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Love Built To Last

Recently I had a situation which left me surprised, speechless and stunned. I may share particulars of this issue at a later date. My natural tendency was to stop, breathe and process what was going on.

To do this, I had to withdraw so that I could gather all my thoughts. However, in the midst of organizing my thoughts, I was slipping into reclusiveness. Unbeknownst to me, I was at the same time pushing away the one person who wanted to be with me, cheer for and support me.

But my bride of 23 years would not allow me to withdraw, be quiet or remain lost in my thoughts. Nope! She took me by the hands and told me, “we are in this together, I want to know your thoughts and feelings. You can’t shut me out!” At that moment I realized that she would not compromise or back down. I was reminded of her deep love for me. I was reminded that because we are “won” my thoughts, feelings, fears and tears are also hers.

Yes, I was reminded of the fact that our “woness” does not work in isolation. I was reminded one more time of what our love means:

Lasting

Not Ordinary

Vital

Empathetic

Thanks honey!!

Positivity Bears Positivity
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Positivity Bears Positivity

I’m sure we can all point out at least five things about our spouses that are annoying. For instance, I sometimes cringe when I hear the sounds of cabinets being slammed in the kitchen. And my my dear wife really dislikes (to be gentle) the way I clean the kitchen and leave at least two items in the sink.

  • But instead of focusing on that laundry list, we try to focus instead on the things we love about each other. Sometimes this list may seem shorter, especially if it’s not thought about often. However, the more we think about them, the more positive qualities we can come up with!

    • So let me encourage married couples to spend more time looking for the good. Your relationship, intimacy and love will all grow.

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    Perfection Does Not Exist Here

    We’ve been told before that “it seems like you guys have the perfect marriage.”

    Nothing could be further from the truth!

    Here are four examples of why our marriage is not without flaws.

    Perfection

    Neither of us are perfect therefore, our marriage is not perfect. Both of us brought our own baggage when we became “won.” And we each had our own way of dealing with our baggage. We had to each become programmed to live as “won” instead of two. Although this takes time, perfection is never really attained, since we ourselves don’t become perfect.

    Grace

    Although we all like to be shown grace, when it comes to others we tend to push for justice. This can also be the case in our marriages. There have been times where grace has eluded us (I won’t say who) which has lead to “spirited” conversations. I wish I could say that we soon came to our senses, but that hasn’t always been the case. We have however, been able to recover from those situations rather unscathed.

    Patience

    Yes, patience is a virtue, but occasionally it’s in short supply. I will admit, I’m probably the biggest offender of this. Whether it’s waking up on the “wrong side” of the bed or a bad day at work, some things can make us more irritable. This is when one us has to remind the other, without sarcasm, to exercise patience.

    Pride

    Pride can rear its ugly head in many situations. Most of all, when we want the other person to be the first to say “I’m sorry.” I have been guilty of that in the past, as I’ve documented in a previous post: https://twobecomingwon.com/2015/12/27/my-longest-night/. Pride has no place in a relationship and overtime it only destroys. The commitment has to be made to think of the other person first before ourselves.

    So although our marriage is definitely far from perfect, my wife and I have made a commitment to fight for our “woness.” Perfection is not an attainable goal for two imperfect people, but commitment and determination are traits necessary for every marriage!

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    What Does Our Marriage Communicate?

    I’ve been married 19 years and I just recently thought about what our life communicates to our kids. What have I taught my son about how a woman should be treated? What have my actions reflected about my love for my wife? In turn, how has Lisa’s married life impacted our daughter?

    I guess we often think about what kind of legacy we will leave our family. I wasn’t always a good role model, but as I matured in my Christian walk and as the refinement process continues, I would think that I became a better husband, leader, father and disciple. I can certainly say beyond a shadow of a doubt that I have seen that growth in my wife.  

    As we have both grown, Lisa and I have made it a point to impart the importance of servant leadership. As I lead my wife, I try to do so by serving her. She has done the same by serving her family faithfully and sacrificially. We have been most encouraged in our “woness” by hearing others tell us that our lives are an inspiration.     This gives us great joy. Not the kind of happiness that leads us to believe that we have reached the mountain top. But instead, a humble joy that God would choose to use such broken vessels to speak life to those hurting or those contemplating marriage.  

    I think I can speak for my bride of 19 years when I say that in 2016, we would like most of all to communicate love. Not the emotion. But the verb. We would like to reflect in our lives what Jesus commanded His disciples in John 13:34-35, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

    In this manner we can be sure we will leave a legacy of “won.”