HOW DO WE COMMUNICATE?

Ro-Lisa Orlando

Success can come from our differences:

 It is no secret, men and women communicate differently.  Women are more verbal whereas men are less expressive of their feelings.  Women use conversation to search out or express their feelings and men use conversation as a means to solve a problem.  With such diverging starting positions, can there be effective discussions or communication?

The answer is yes.  Although we are made differently, we were made to complement each other.  This is especially true in the marriage relationship. In a marriage relationship both husband and wife bring their sets of flaws and idiosyncrasies to the table as well as their strengths. These however, should not prevent effective communication.  Nor does either person have to be “fixed” as so called experts would have us believe.

Take my wife and I for example.  I am a huge extrovert whereas my wife is an introvert.  Although I like to talk, I rarely talk about how I feel. My wife on the other hand, can do this rather easily.  My wife is a great listener whereas I, well, I’m working on it.  I am quick to want to find a fix, whereas my wife just wants to work out an issue verbally.  I tend to be a bit sarcastic, which is not always appreciated.

In spite of all this, we have excellent communication because we didn’t just give up trying to communicate after things broke down.  Nope, we powered through and got better.  With the help of the great Counselor, we remained committed to improving.  My sarcasm also improved to an almost imperceptible level….lol

Men and women were made in God’s image and therefore do not have to be fixed. We are however, marred by sin, which is in our DNA.  Therefore, we are not perfect to begin with.  But if you know Jesus Christ as your savior, you have access to a teacher and a counselor.  More specifically, this is the Holy Spirit who lives in us.  We therefore, have access to the fruits of the Spirit as Paul wrote in Galatians.   With this access husbands and wives can be reminded of love, gentleness, kindness and self control.  Since God is love, as John wrote in 1 John 4:8, a couple that is has a true foundation on the Rock, will be reminded of Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 13:4-5, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”  This kind of love seeks to improve communication.

Well, the truth is that God made men and women different.  Even with these differences two can still be “won.”  And despite what some “relationship experts” say, men and women don’t have to be “fixed.”

Here are 4 simple ways guys can work at communicating:
One, communicate clearly.  For guys this means that we may actually have to tell our wives how we feel.  This does not come naturally, but we can do this as we grow in love.
Two, don’t problem solve.  In other words when listening we shouldn’t be quick to offer a solution, because most of the times that is not what’s wanted.
Third, be a passive listener.  This means we acknowledge what our wives are saying without being quick to offer solutions or opinions.  And the last item, number four, act only when your wife is done speaking and if she asks you to do so.  From her perspective, she may not want a solution as much as she wants your time. It’s almost like playing “Simon says,”  if your wife does not “say,” you do not “do.”

Although a brief review may be helpful, your wife will usually have no problem reminding you of the 4 keys to communicating in a marriage relationship.  Trust me, I’ve been through the training….lol

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3 thoughts on “HOW DO WE COMMUNICATE?

  1. I have a real problem with wanting to fix everything. Sometimes I want to quit in mid conversation and go fix it. ” Why are we still talking about this? Let’s fix it!” I need to cut that out.

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